smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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