Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
