Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Couch. On fire.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
