im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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