i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
