So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
