You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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