I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
