what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
