I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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