i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
