I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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