just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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