i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
