You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
