I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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