hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
