I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
