Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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