All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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