Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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