I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
