I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
