If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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