may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
