Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
