My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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