note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
