I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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