Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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