Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
