My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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