If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
