i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
