Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
