im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
