just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
