my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
