thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
