Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
