Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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