I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
