Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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