I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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