I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
