I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
