And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
