Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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