This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
