those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
