I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
