I feel like abortions should bother me more
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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