We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
