ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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