do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
