:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Who died my cat blue again?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
