people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
