Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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