he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
